Today, my fiance asked me, "Do you want to marry me?". I truthfully answered, "Yes, but I want time to sort out our problems first before we do otherwise they'll destroy this relationship." Very simple answer. And then he goes again with the, "So you're unsure about this marriage." Sigh!
He then says he's starting to rethink whether he wants to marry me, yada yada yada. I've heard it so many times that it just slid off like water off a duck's back.
I told him, "It's up to you. You can leave or wait". I told him that whatever he does, it's not going to change my mind about going slow.
Now it's wait and see.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Stomach bug. How nice.
So from relationship dramas enough to give Bold and the Beautiful a run for its money, to getting a stomach bug that renders me helpless and rolling on the floor in pain. I now regret that I wished to have a more interesting life, cos I think I'm having a pretty interesting one at the moment.
It all came on so suddenly. At 1:30am yesterday I woke up with stomach pain and I thought to myself, ok I'll just pop a bit of antacid and see how that goes. Two hours later, I'm still on the floor rubbing my stomach hoping the pain would go away and take more antacid. It killed me more just taking the antacid so I woke my parents up hoping that they would be so loving as to take me to hospital. But no....they just looked at me rolling on the floor of their bedroom and go, "You should really go see a specialist about that stomach of yours". Instead they gave me some paracetamol and send me back to bed. I woke up at 6am and decided to call the 24hour nursing service for advice, and they tell me I have a stomach bug, and that all I can eat for the next 24 hours is noodles, pasta, rice, white bread and chicken without the skin on it. Veges was a no no. Weird eh?
I thought maybe I could still go to work that day (yes I'm an idiot) but by 7:40am I knew better and decided to get my boss to work for me instead. So I still had to open up shop but she came in at 10am to relieve me.
On the way home, my lovely fiance decided to call and see how I was, but unfortunately it ended up as a fight as usual with me crying in the car, cos he wants to get married quickly and I told him no. Sigh!
I'm glad I slept for the rest of the day. Too hard to deal with this world sometimes.
It all came on so suddenly. At 1:30am yesterday I woke up with stomach pain and I thought to myself, ok I'll just pop a bit of antacid and see how that goes. Two hours later, I'm still on the floor rubbing my stomach hoping the pain would go away and take more antacid. It killed me more just taking the antacid so I woke my parents up hoping that they would be so loving as to take me to hospital. But no....they just looked at me rolling on the floor of their bedroom and go, "You should really go see a specialist about that stomach of yours". Instead they gave me some paracetamol and send me back to bed. I woke up at 6am and decided to call the 24hour nursing service for advice, and they tell me I have a stomach bug, and that all I can eat for the next 24 hours is noodles, pasta, rice, white bread and chicken without the skin on it. Veges was a no no. Weird eh?
I thought maybe I could still go to work that day (yes I'm an idiot) but by 7:40am I knew better and decided to get my boss to work for me instead. So I still had to open up shop but she came in at 10am to relieve me.
On the way home, my lovely fiance decided to call and see how I was, but unfortunately it ended up as a fight as usual with me crying in the car, cos he wants to get married quickly and I told him no. Sigh!
I'm glad I slept for the rest of the day. Too hard to deal with this world sometimes.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
What's a relationship with no trust?
What are we? Seemingly, it's a question that my fiance (or possibly ex-fiance) has a problem in answering. One minute he says he doesn't trust me and that we're responsible for the choices we make, and then a following text message goes "I love you"? He calls at night just to listen to my voice but at the same phone call he distances himself from me. I tell him I need to know his decision. That I can't live my life on a dream or a hope.
These past couple of days I've tried to erase him from my mind; burying myself amongst journals that were untouched since last November. I've kept busy at work, so much so that I've run out of things to do. It's the silence. It makes me think about him.
So many people tell me he's not worth keeping. That I deserve better. I feel so angry at him sometimes, but when he calls, it dissipates into thin air. I hate how weak he makes me feel. I wish I had the courage or heart (or whatever it is) to just move on. Something in me stops me every time from taking that extra step. Something in my mind makes me believe I can't live without him, and after every time we argue, I just fall back into line.
Perhaps it's the sense that everyone wants to be loved. To feel loved. Not to be alone on Valentine's Day. But that's what it's gonna be.
These past couple of days I've tried to erase him from my mind; burying myself amongst journals that were untouched since last November. I've kept busy at work, so much so that I've run out of things to do. It's the silence. It makes me think about him.
So many people tell me he's not worth keeping. That I deserve better. I feel so angry at him sometimes, but when he calls, it dissipates into thin air. I hate how weak he makes me feel. I wish I had the courage or heart (or whatever it is) to just move on. Something in me stops me every time from taking that extra step. Something in my mind makes me believe I can't live without him, and after every time we argue, I just fall back into line.
Perhaps it's the sense that everyone wants to be loved. To feel loved. Not to be alone on Valentine's Day. But that's what it's gonna be.
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