What are we? Seemingly, it's a question that my fiance (or possibly ex-fiance) has a problem in answering. One minute he says he doesn't trust me and that we're responsible for the choices we make, and then a following text message goes "I love you"? He calls at night just to listen to my voice but at the same phone call he distances himself from me. I tell him I need to know his decision. That I can't live my life on a dream or a hope.
These past couple of days I've tried to erase him from my mind; burying myself amongst journals that were untouched since last November. I've kept busy at work, so much so that I've run out of things to do. It's the silence. It makes me think about him.
So many people tell me he's not worth keeping. That I deserve better. I feel so angry at him sometimes, but when he calls, it dissipates into thin air. I hate how weak he makes me feel. I wish I had the courage or heart (or whatever it is) to just move on. Something in me stops me every time from taking that extra step. Something in my mind makes me believe I can't live without him, and after every time we argue, I just fall back into line.
Perhaps it's the sense that everyone wants to be loved. To feel loved. Not to be alone on Valentine's Day. But that's what it's gonna be.
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