I was pondering this question after a big fight once again about our marriage registration. Perhaps I'm just not ready for commitment. He asked me why I turned him down again for the second time out of the blue, and honestly I just don't know why. He mentioned that it was my parents' wishes and that I just followed or that maybe my parents were just an excuse for me to say no again. The thing is that I don't know what's holding me back.
So when I got home, I sat at the edge of my bed and stared at the photos I had of him sitting on the top of my drawers and thought about how much does he mean to me? I sat there for about half an hour searching my heart trying to find an answer but in the end all I ended up with were more questions. Is what I feel for him love? He can make me laugh, make me change a lot of my ways, frustrate me, make me cry, make me feel as though I can't live without him, but is this love? Or as he said, maybe I'm just a very lonely person, trying to hold onto anyone. I don't know what to think anymore, but it's giving me a stomach ache. That's probably the only certain thing that's popped up today. It's sad. What kind of person doesn't know how they feel?
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