Once again my blood is set a-boiling, with a comment from my fiance that Asian girls should be quiet and polite and stick by their man. What is this? What a male chauvinist pig! The more I know him, the more I think he wants to turn me into a female slave to wait upon him while he gets all the glory for being breadwinner of the family.
Today, my horoscope said this: "You're sick and tired of rationalising a loved one's behaviour. The next time they start playing up, let them take the consequences of their action. It doesn't matter if they're your business partner, best friend, or lover. It's entirely possible their latest stunt will cause your union to fall apart. Although you'll be devastated by the break, it will also be liberating. You have to admit, joining forces with them has held you back in some significant ways."
Held me back? Yes he has held me back. I have the chance to be manager and he goes "I don't like the idea of you being a manager. I don't want to be a househusband taking care of the kids." When I be myself, he goes "You're too friendly to others. I don't like it when you're so friendly."
That's bloody me you idiot of a fiance. I don't know why I even put up with him sometimes. I think he's so daft sometimes, but I guess I must be the stupider one for sticking around.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Wife of the 18th century... hell no!
My fiance told me that I should be the kind of wife who listens to her husband and be supportive. Own opinions? Of course not. What kind of wife would that be? Really.
Naturally as a woman of the 21st century, this was my emailed reply:
"Tonight when I mentioned that my dream was at night, you said that I keep things to myself. That is true. Last time when I was upset, I didn't want to tell you, but you wanted to know just to make yourself more comfortable. As you say, you listen to me, not because you care, but because you know I just need to be listened to.
In both of those situations, did you really care about me? Probably not. Just as I've learnt from the book not to say what you ought to do, even though I can see you're doing things wrong, just to make you feel better about yourself. Just so you can feel like a man and that you're needed.
That's a lie already. That's just like sweeping things to one side, just to make it look like the place is clean of problems, when really, there's a real mess just hidden away. No wonder you sense problems.
So here is the truth from my side of things. I think you're manipulative and insecure. For example, when I comfort you when you failed your exam, you do not even hesitate to mention that "It is the supportive wife who lets her man be the man, that makes the difference", being jealous of me talking to other guys only because you "care about" me, and when people at work put you down you shut up, but when you know more than them, you just brag on and on about how little they know. You know how two-faced that is? I let you talk to M******* (an ex mind you) without saying a word about how you shouldn't talk to her cos, of course, I "care".
I also think you're a boring stick-in-the-mud. You stick to what you know, whether it is financial, food-wise, anything really. In a nice way, it can be said that you're stable, but yes I do find you a tad boring.
......................................................
Oh, and you have a very selective memory. In terms of memory, you have none for information presented to you in any form. For example, booking airline tickets for the end of the year. You typed it in yourself.
Whereas, I'm sure that you'll remember A******* turning down being MC will live in your brain forever (part insecurity that she doesn't think much of you and secondly cos you just don't like to hear other people's opinion)
That's right. You also believe that you're right. That the whole world revolves around you. When I don't agree with you, OMG it's like the world has collapsed on you (back to insecurity). Although you like listening to your dad, and like the way he thinks, when he says something you don't like you go "Tsi Sin" [ Chinese word for crazy] and sulk with your arms crossed for the rest of the day.
You want to be a man? I don't think sulking and running to tell your mum every time something goes wrong is very manly. Or even holding a grudge for that matter. If you're a man, and you believe yourself to be right, do you really need to care what others think? Take a look at yourself for goodness sake. You cover your face, you pull your head in like a turtle, you look at your feet, never instantly decisive about anything and you wonder why you don't get treated like a man.
Well at least, I've got the balls to tell you. I've been waiting for so long to tell you what I think. I feel so scared to lose you or make you angry sometimes that I just keep my opinions to myself. That it's not worth arguing about. But I've had enough. You want honesty. You got it. Whether you like it or not."
For all the women out there, do yourself a favour. Don't take crap from anyone.
Naturally as a woman of the 21st century, this was my emailed reply:
"Tonight when I mentioned that my dream was at night, you said that I keep things to myself. That is true. Last time when I was upset, I didn't want to tell you, but you wanted to know just to make yourself more comfortable. As you say, you listen to me, not because you care, but because you know I just need to be listened to.
In both of those situations, did you really care about me? Probably not. Just as I've learnt from the book not to say what you ought to do, even though I can see you're doing things wrong, just to make you feel better about yourself. Just so you can feel like a man and that you're needed.
That's a lie already. That's just like sweeping things to one side, just to make it look like the place is clean of problems, when really, there's a real mess just hidden away. No wonder you sense problems.
So here is the truth from my side of things. I think you're manipulative and insecure. For example, when I comfort you when you failed your exam, you do not even hesitate to mention that "It is the supportive wife who lets her man be the man, that makes the difference", being jealous of me talking to other guys only because you "care about" me, and when people at work put you down you shut up, but when you know more than them, you just brag on and on about how little they know. You know how two-faced that is? I let you talk to M******* (an ex mind you) without saying a word about how you shouldn't talk to her cos, of course, I "care".
I also think you're a boring stick-in-the-mud. You stick to what you know, whether it is financial, food-wise, anything really. In a nice way, it can be said that you're stable, but yes I do find you a tad boring.
......................................................
Oh, and you have a very selective memory. In terms of memory, you have none for information presented to you in any form. For example, booking airline tickets for the end of the year. You typed it in yourself.
Whereas, I'm sure that you'll remember A******* turning down being MC will live in your brain forever (part insecurity that she doesn't think much of you and secondly cos you just don't like to hear other people's opinion)
That's right. You also believe that you're right. That the whole world revolves around you. When I don't agree with you, OMG it's like the world has collapsed on you (back to insecurity). Although you like listening to your dad, and like the way he thinks, when he says something you don't like you go "Tsi Sin" [ Chinese word for crazy] and sulk with your arms crossed for the rest of the day.
You want to be a man? I don't think sulking and running to tell your mum every time something goes wrong is very manly. Or even holding a grudge for that matter. If you're a man, and you believe yourself to be right, do you really need to care what others think? Take a look at yourself for goodness sake. You cover your face, you pull your head in like a turtle, you look at your feet, never instantly decisive about anything and you wonder why you don't get treated like a man.
Well at least, I've got the balls to tell you. I've been waiting for so long to tell you what I think. I feel so scared to lose you or make you angry sometimes that I just keep my opinions to myself. That it's not worth arguing about. But I've had enough. You want honesty. You got it. Whether you like it or not."
For all the women out there, do yourself a favour. Don't take crap from anyone.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Truth
Just 10 mintues ago, my fiance called to say that I've disappointed him on a number of occasions where I have been "too friendly" to other guys. In his opinion, making conversation with his 2nd cousin about travelling around New Zealand is just overboard. I should stick to conversation with other girls, so he believes. Oh and finding another female attractive, is definitely much worse than getting a massage from a naked female while overseas so he believes. On top of this he believes that I don't value this relationship. Enough of his beliefs. Here are mine (said in a perfectly calm state of mind).
- I feel more comfortable and happy with my best friend and family than with my fiance on most occasions
- I fake laugh at my fiance's jokes
- I find my fiance boring and predictable ....I mean "stable"
- I hate his "guys are the breadwinners of the family" talk. If you wanna be a man, you gotta look less like a turtle ( Head down, hunched over shoulders with hand on face, is not a manly look) and stop being a mummy's boy and stand on your own two feet (you don't really have to tell your mum everything that goes wrong).
- My fiance holds a grudge like there's no tomorrow, so if he discovers this...I'm DEAD.
- I love my fiance regardless. He's caring towards me most of the time. He tries to keep me happy (hard task so I gotta hand that to him). He makes an effort. He gets stuff done. Romantic when he doesn't try to be. Thoughtful most of the time and most of all patient.
- I still regret not doing the things I wanted to do, like travelling to Peru, learning to surf, learn horseriding, go play paintball, do an extreme sport, and take up kung fu again.
- I don't want to move to the Eastern suburbs, as posh as it may be. It's not me. It's not home. Perhaps it's tall poppy syndrome on a suburban level, but I like the West.
- I don't enjoy my job anymore. It's so big and busy that I'm losing touch with the people I work with
- I can move on. I know the world doesn't stop turning just because of a personal crisis of mine, nor will I.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
